I know what you’re thinking: “Took long enough!” Yes, you’re feelings are justified. Our blog “schedule” has been rather out of wack lately. This is largely my fault, and for that I offer my sincere apologies.
As Janelle alluded to in her pre-Haiti post, we’re starting a new series today, one on modesty.
Now, while many people may have heard teaching on this topic before, many have not, and even if you have, we hope to offer some new perspectives on the topic that we pray will benefit you.
What exactly is modesty? I mean, if you had to define it, what would you say? Most dictionaries define modesty as lack of vanity, orderliness, simplicity, with a regard for decency in speech, dress and behavior. At the heart, modesty is a kind of humility which does not seek to aggressively gain other’s attention or admiration. So in the 19th century, when someone called a man “a modest fellow” they were referring to the fact that the man had a humble attitude which did not put himself forward as more important than he really was. Modesty is a pleasant attribute because it causes those around you to feel at ease. They don’t feel the need to compete with you and don’t have to worry about how to respond to what is obviously an arrogant attitude. It puts your companions at rest. This broader concept of modesty should allow us to see the many ways which it can apply to our lives as Christian women. Modesty is a way of both rightly seeing ourselves as well as a way of loving those around us.
So, just to mix things up, this first post is going to consider, not modesty of dress (Julie will get to that on Monday) but rather modesty of speech. I don’t know about you, but ever since I was little I took great joy in making shocking statements when in a crowd (mischievous smile). There is something so pleasant about watching everyone gasp and look confused. I suppose it is similar to the desire to make people laugh. It’s a combined effort invoke a (positive) reaction in others, while also drawing attention to one’s self. Now, to be completely honest, I do not believe that there is anything inherently wrong with such desires. Everyone is made different: some of you would probably die of embarrassment if you said something which caused heads to turn, but some people are wired to enjoy attention. Such people are capable of doing things that most others are not, such as public speaking, street preaching, biblical confrontation, performance oriented tasks, etc. Just like all human characteristics, however, sin has the power to twist something such as an enjoyment of attention into something harmful to both ourselves and others.
If, like me, you tend toward the “shocker” speech, you might find yourself saying things that are inappropriate or not “fitting the occasion,” as Ephesians 4:29 puts it. Perhaps you tend toward crude joking, something which the Bible says should not be found amongst Christians (Ephesians 5:4-8). This sort of speech is often times a lack of humility and modesty—an impulsive action aimed at grabbing attention, but not taking into consideration whether the comment carries respect for the human body, for God’s design, for his view of sin, or the edification of those around you. Will your words cause others think about “whatever is true…honorable…just…pure” (Philippians 4:8)? If you tend toward patterns of immodest speech don’t be discouraged—there is a time and a place for playfulness and joking and wit; but spend some time with the Lord examining your heart to see if the way that you are exercising your power of wit is founded in biblical love for others and reverence and love for God.
Maybe you don’t struggle with getting people’s attention, but you are very desirous of other’s admiration, approval and good opinion. If this is the case you might be very quiet, but when you do speak you may try sound impressive, wise or smart. You may use sarcasm or irony to make yourself look better than other people. You may even gossip and slander in a way that shows how perceptive you are and how oblivious the people you are commenting on are. Slander is a some-what separate issue from modesty, yet the two can be related if the inappropriate speech about others becomes a tool you use to venerate yourself, compete with and exult yourself over others. You may even speak about yourself or your body in a way that makes other women feel uncomfortable, belittled or challenged to compete. But the Bible says that such "selfish rivalry" is demonic and contrary to the spirit of Christ. If you struggle in these areas, ask God to begin to show you when you are tempted this way; soon you'll see patterns and be able to change.
Remember, "anyone who does not stumble in what he or she says is a perfect person", a.k.a. no one can perfectly tame the tongue (James 3:2, 8), but with Christ's spirit of love in us we can learn to consider other before ourselves (Phillipians 2).
God calls us to speech that is gentle, kind, not arrogant or rude, not insisting on our own way, not irritable or resentful, not rejoicing at wrong-doing but rejoicing with the truth. That is, God calls us to speak lovingly to others (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). We are also called to purity of speech, and to edifying speech. For this reason, as women especially, let us “adorn” ourselves, as 1 Timothy and Titus say, with modest speech which does not seek to exult ourselves but to bless others.
“likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Tim 2:9
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
Let us be beautiful, but let us learn what true beauty is and adorn yourself with it in our speech as well as our actions.
~Jess
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