Springs of Life: Guarding Our Hearts in Relationships with Guys

>Most of us have heard the phrase, “guard your heart,” often in relation to our feelings towards guys. But what does that even mean? And what does it look like, on a practical level? To answer these questions we have to understand what the heart is, and how it works. Welcome to Spiritual Anatomy 1101. We’ll start with this scripture:

“Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

So, what is this verse saying? In the Bible, the word לב, or “leb,” which we translate “heart” means the core or seat of our will, thoughts, emotions, and desires—it is the treasure chest which holds our dearest possessions and the headquarters from which all decisions and actions are executed. Our hearts choose and treasure what to love and desire, and our actions flow from these desires. So our hearts are the springs of life because life and death depend upon what we choose to love. It is for this reason that we must keep watch over our hearts, and guard them as the source of our existence. As women, much of our life depends on our choices about which men we allow our hearts to love, which ones we set our hopes on and follow and in what way, who we allow in and out of its doors.

So then, how can we “guard” our hearts? What does the verse mean when it tells us to “keep [our hearts] with all vigilance”? The Bible tells us two ways to keep a healthy heart. Like our actual, physical hearts which must both pump blood in and pump blood out in order to sustain life, our spiritual hearts will be healthy only if we learn to surrender our desires to God, and fill our hearts with love for him. So lets talk about each of these functions.

1) Surrendering the desires of our hearts to God:

God created us to love, to passionately desire good things. But as Julie brought up last week, as fallen creatures, we don’t always desire what is good for us, or we often desire to have good things at the wrong time. As this relates to guys, women are naturally created by God to desire an emotional and physical relationship with a male counterpart. Additionally, we have a basic need for general male interaction to balance our chemical and spiritual existence. Sometimes, those desires will not be fulfilled, and other times we may desire to fulfill them in inappropriate ways. In either situation, as guardians of our hearts, we have one task: to take those desires captive to God.

“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We . . . take every thought captive to obey Christ. . . .” 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.

This is an encouraging verse, because it reminds us that a) we are proclaimed victors in Christ, able to fight the battle for our hearts through spiritual means, b) It doesn’t say the we can’t have tempting thoughts, but instead that every thought should be consciously captured, examined and brought before Jesus for his verdict to declare the place of that thought in our lives—how it is to obey his good will.

So maybe there is a guy you know who captures your attention, someone you wish you could know more intimately. First of all, I’d like to say: welcome to humanity! You are completely normal and we can all relate. Having said that, there are a couple things you should know. First, I promise, this will not be the last guy who you are interested in—there will be many more, so keep things in perspective. Second, figuring out if this is or is not the person that you are suppose to marry will not help you decide how to think about or act around this person, so don’t strive to. Third, while there is no sin in being attracted to someone, and it is often outside of your control, what you do with that attraction will make all the difference in your spiritual life.

If a stranger walked into your house, you wouldn’t just tell them to make themselves at home, eat whatever they liked and lay around wherever they wanted. No! You’d ask who they were, discover their purpose for being there, and depending on that, would decide how they would be able to operate in your home. In the same way, when thoughts pop into our heads: “He is really handsome,” “I wonder if he has a girl friend,” “I wonder what it would be like to be married to him,” “I wonder if he is my future husband,” “I wonder if he notices me,” “I wonder if he will be at the party this weekend,” –we don’t just let them have free reign in our hearts and minds. We take note of those thoughts, and the desires which attend them, and say, “alright, that’s how it is; now come with me,” and lead them before the throne of our Father, asking, “Lord, what shall I do with this?”

Usually, our Father tells us to simply give the thought/desire to him; the Bible tells us that if we have any desire that we should “make our requests known to God”, who “withholds no good thing” from his children who ask (Philippians 4:6-7, Psalm 86:11, see also Mark 11:24, Ps 37:4, and James 4). This means that if what you ask for is good, God will grant it at the right time, and if it is not good, you don’t have to worry, because your Father is wise and he will not give it to you—therefore there is no fear in asking, but instead much peace, as long as you trust him to orchestrate what is good for you. Sometimes when we bring a thought/desire before God, he tells us to kill it. We must be willing to do what he asks, knowing that He will help us.

Now I do want to throw out a quick word of balance: It is important to remember that being attracted to someone, having these thoughts come to mind, and desiring to be married are not necessarily unhealthy in and of themselves. On the contrary, it is absolutely natural and good to desire marriage and even to feel attraction to worthy men. It is very important that we not battle with guilt or condemnation for these things, because if we do, Satan is only distracting us from the real battle. These thoughts and desires will come. It is inevitable. Even as we take these thoughts to Christ on a daily basis, they will continue to come—they do not ever simply disappear, so we cannot be discouraged when this happens, or think that until these thoughts go away that there is something wrong. If this were the case we would all be in big trouble J. The goal is not to eliminate these thoughts, but to learn to deal wisely with them. Wisdom is sober minded—it recognizes that there is no profit in fantasizing about things that do not exist, and that fostering a desire which may not be fulfilled will only make the heart sick. Instead, wisdom acknowledges the existence of certain thoughts and desire, and then continues in her course of seeking Jesus and his love above all else, by presenting her desires to God in prayer, or in simply telling herself not to worry about that and to think about something else that is beneficial in the moment.

And remember: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”
1 Corinthians 9:13

God will always provide a way of escape for us. We cannot serve two masters—we must refuse to be controlled by anything but the God’s love, but we can take comfort in knowing that if we ask God for any fruit of the Spirit, faithfulness, self-control, wisdom, that he promises to give it. This leads to the second part of how to keep a healthy heart.

2) Being filled with the Spirit of God and his Love always:

Simply trying to empty your mind of unhelpful thoughts will absolutely not succeed, unless you fill your mind with thoughts of the beautiful:

“[W]hatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philipians 4:8

Find ways to dwell on things that are pure in your heart. Remember—where light is, there can be no darkness. Where you are dwelling on that which is lovely and good, impure thoughts will not be able to slip in unnoticed or thrive.

“[We] walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:4-6

Sometimes as women, our hearts are stirred and we desire to dwell on romance, and love, and the beauty of a man’s desire for a woman and visa versa. One thing that has really helped me when I’m in those moods is to think about the epic Romance of God’s love for us. I imagine Jesus as the warrior who swears to find and fight for the one whom he has betrothed. I imagine the brutal death which he endured for the sake of his bride, and the moment when he arose in light from the tomb, victorious over those who had tried to hold him captive in order to abuse his bride, only to receive his retribution instead. I remember his promise to come and save us, his passion to fight for us, his power to heal us, his kingdom where he will dwell with us forever. After all, it is that story which inspires all of ours. Every romance ever written is a mere candle lit from the lightning bolt of God’s passion for us. By dwelling on these things we make perfect our desires for romance and find satisfaction in the one and only true source of love. In this way, we guard the well spring of life.

Remember, God is able to write the perfect love story for you, so leave it to the Great author to do so, and give yourself wholly to “him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20). Dedicate yourself to good works, and to worship and fellowship of believers, and be joyful always—this is the best guard available for the fortress of your heart and the best medicine too.

I’ll end with this final thought:

“Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.
Ponder the path of your feet;
then all your ways will be sure.
Do not swerve to the right or to the left;
turn your foot away from evil.” Proverbs 4:25-27

~Jessica Chamaline