Until He Pleases

Our next "phase" of posts will focus on an aspect of relationships that us girls struggle with a lot...yep you guessed it...B-O-Y-S. How does God expect and want us to relate to these mysterious creatures? Hopefully these next few posts will give you some insight. Don't be scared. Don't be embarrassed. And definitely don't stop reading!

First, I want to look at what scripture says about out relationships with guys. It does after all contain everything we need for life in godliness. I'm so thankful for the biblical teaching we receive through Sovereign Grace on this subject, but I want to draw your attention to a verse that you might not be very familiar with. It's found in the most romantic book of the Bible, which I don't usually encourage young girls to read, however this verse gives us wonderful instruction on guarding our hearts and emotions.

"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem...that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." (song of solomon 2:7)

There it is. Black and white. DON'T stir up love until it pleases. How will you know when it pleases? When the Lord allows it to happen.

I'm sure that most of you single girls reading this have the desire to one day get married and have a family. For some of you, you might be perfectly content for that day to come many, many years from now. For others, you wish that day were yesterday. I also wouldn't be surprised if every one of you have a "list" in your head of what you're looking for in a potential husband. Please hear me when I say that the desire to get married is a good one, and pleases the Lord. Your list might be very helpful tool. But a list of qualities you are looking for and a desire in your heart will not prepare you for marriage.

I love this quote by Dave Harvey. "What we believe about God determines the quality of our relationships." So, what you know about God, what you hold fast to, and what truths you stand upon will determine the kind of relationships you have, both now and in the future. The foundation begins now, during your single years. You must cultivate a deep and vast knowledge of who God is and apply those truths to your life right now if you hope to have fruitful and God-glorifying marriage one day.

Another point I wish to make is this. Being in a courtship, engagement, or marriage should not be your definition of contentment. It is not a destination. We don't arrive at it when we become a certain age, achieve a certain goal, marry the "perfect" guy, or look a certain way. Contentment is a state of gratefulness before God. Being grateful and content with the season of life that God has you in is essential to your growth in godliness. If your satisfaction is not rooted in Christ, then nothing, not even finally getting married, will be able to fill that void in your heart.

Relationships with guys are complicated. They are hard. How do you NOT flirt with them but still be friends with them? How do you guard your heart when you are attracted to a particular guy? How do you prepare for courtship, engagement, and marriage when it seems like no guy is in the picture? These are all questions that I myself have asked before. And I'm still learning how to biblically answer some of them!

Trust me on this. There are few things that will be more rewarding than being able to give yourself to your husband one day in absolute purity. This is what God desires for us girls. Absolute surrender to Him during our single years, absolute obedience to his instructions, and absolute trust in Him to give us the desires of our hearts in His perfect timing. Listen, wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to get married is not a sinful desire. However, wanting to "skip ahead" to that season before God brings it to you will not serve you. Josh Harris says, "The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. We don't need to shop for what we can't afford."

God has graciously allowed me to be in a courting relationship over the past 6 months. What an incredible, fun, difficult, and very revealing season it has been so far! I was definitely one of girls that had a "list", many daydreams about what it would be like to have a guy pursuing me, and lots of ideas of what it would look like. God has in his mercy changed a lot of my ideas, and that's ok! Listen to Elisabeth Elliot's wise words, "The will of God is always different from what we expect, always bigger, and ultimately more glorious than our wildest imaginings." She's right! No matter what picture we have painted in our head, God's will and His plans are always better than what we could have imagined. Please trust me and heed my encouragement girls. Prepare your hearts now, so that when and if the Lord brings you into a courtship, you are surrendered to his will and his purposes. It will not and does not happen overnight, and certainly won't "snap into place" when you get married.

Take the time now to guard your purity. Treasure it, cherish it, for it is a precious gift from the Lord and he WILL honor your resolve to guard it. Most of all, He will help you in the process! Avoid situations that could compromise your body or mind. Pursue the lover of your SOUL...Jesus Christ, for no other love, not even the love of your husband, will compare to that. Don't trust yourself. Even if you think the struggle is small and that you can handle it on your own...I've been there, I've done that, and that is exactly what Satan looks for. Confess sin to your mom, tell her about your struggles. Believe it or not, she was once exactly where you are now! Realize that daydreaming about marriage often make you forget what a drastic course of action it really is. It is not intended for anyone who is not prepared, indeed eager, to surrender his own will and to be wholeheartedly submissive to the will of another. Is that what you're daydreaming about? I didn't think so. Time for a perspective check!

It might help you to realize that you are already a bride...your groom is already preparing to come for you. Christ WILL return one day for the church, and if you are a believer in Jesus, then he will be returning for you. What glorious news! May he return quickly! But God has given you such a gift right now, and that is time. Time to meditate extensively on his word, time to pray about your future, time to serve in your home and in others homes, time to grow in your knowledge of Him. Use this time wisely, and the Lord will reward you. See your boundary lines as pleasant as Psalm 16 instructs us to do. The Lord is your portion forever, and his will for your life is perfect. Trust Him and allow Him to awaken love when He pleases.

Have a blessed weekend from the Taking Flight Team!

~Julie