Modesty in How We Act

Let me just start off by saying that I'm NOT writing this because I'm good at this particular concept. In fact, I'm deplorable at it. Still, over the last few years God has really worked on my heart, and my actions naturally followed from this.

I always used to think that modesty only pertained to how we dress, but I remember hearing Kristin Jones say at Xtreme one year that it is so much more than that. (In fact, that was the Xtreme that Julie and I became friends. YAY!) She said that modesty is a heart issue, and out of the heart comes everything, from how we dress to how we talk to how we act. That message has still impacted me to this day, and I thank God for not only Kristin's words but how she lives out the concepts she was teaching. It only solidifies what I heard because I saw, and still see, her living it out.

So what is immodest actions? I remember wondering what that looked like, and asking God to reveal to me what they were. I can only tell you what He told me, and I don't think there is a solid answer to that question. We can glean from Scripture, certainly, but I think it's something that He has to reveal to you personally as well. Here's what He said to me.

Immodest actions stem from a heart that craves attention over glorifying God.

Jess touched on this in the last post, too. She confessed that as a child she enjoyed shocking people by what she said. Similarly, immodest actions crave the attention and accolade of people, not God, and this also can involve the "shock" factor as well. Let me give you an example.

I love playing basketball. I used to practice for hours in my backyard growing up, and then when we moved to Florida I would practice at Metro's gym. When we started the Wolverine's basketball program I was in my senior year of high school, and was thrilled that I could play with my friends on a team.

I found, throughout the season, that I really enjoyed the attention I got because of it. I was good at something, and people noticed. That brought me selfish pleasure and self-gratification. My desire in playing was not to glorify the God who gave me the skills in the first place, my desire was to receive the attention and accolade of people.

Perhaps you can't identify with a sports illustration, so here's another one. I grew up playing the piano and singing. My whole family is musical, and we often got called the "Von Phillips" instead of the Von Trapps. This also brought me a sense of self-glorification, even though the reference was to my family as a whole and not just me. I would tell people that we were referred to as the Von Phillips just so that people could know we were "talented", to use the word VERY loosely :-).

After hearing Kristin's message, and God revealing areas in my life where my actions depicted an immodest heart, God started to give me a desire to change. Granted, I heard the message before I played on the basketball team, but God graciously revealed that to me and reminded me of what I had heard and what He was teaching me. Does this mean that playing basketball, singing and playing the piano are immodest? Of course not. My HEART was, because I wanted attention, I wanted praise, I wanted to be noticed, I wanted to take God's place as the center of the universe.

So maybe, like me, you need to pray and ask God to reveal to you where you are acting immodestly. I'm sure it will not look very much like my own examples, but remember what Scripture says? Jesus, as in like the SON of GOD, said himself that "if I glorify myself my glory means nothing." I know, right? Crazy! If Jesus can say this how much more is it true for me and you! Paul also writes in Romans 15:5-6, "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

So let us be musicians, athletes, artists, daughters, sisters, and students who have one heart and mouth, which in unity praises and glorifies God and not ourselves.

Modesty Series: Modesty in our Speech

I know what you’re thinking: “Took long enough!” Yes, you’re feelings are justified. Our blog “schedule” has been rather out of wack lately. This is largely my fault, and for that I offer my sincere apologies.

As Janelle alluded to in her pre-Haiti post, we’re starting a new series today, one on modesty.

Now, while many people may have heard teaching on this topic before, many have not, and even if you have, we hope to offer some new perspectives on the topic that we pray will benefit you.

What exactly is modesty? I mean, if you had to define it, what would you say? Most dictionaries define modesty as lack of vanity, orderliness, simplicity, with a regard for decency in speech, dress and behavior. At the heart, modesty is a kind of humility which does not seek to aggressively gain other’s attention or admiration. So in the 19^th century, when someone called a man “a modest fellow” they were referring to the fact that the man had a humble attitude which did not put himself forward as more important than he really was. Modesty is a pleasant attribute because it causes those around you to feel at ease. They don’t feel the need to compete with you and don’t have to worry about how to respond to what is obviously an arrogant attitude. It puts your companions at rest. This broader concept of modesty should allow us to see the many ways which it can apply to our lives as Christian women. Modesty is a way of both rightly seeing ourselves as well as a way of loving those around us.

So, just to mix things up, this first post is going to consider, not modesty of dress (Julie will get to that on Monday) but rather modesty of speech. I don’t know about you, but ever since I was little I took great joy in making shocking statements when in a crowd (mischievous smile). There is something so pleasant about watching everyone gasp and look confused. I suppose it is similar to the desire to make people laugh. It’s a combined effort invoke a (positive) reaction in others, while also drawing attention to one’s self. Now, to be completely honest, I do not believe that there is anything inherently wrong with such desires. Everyone is made different: some of you would probably die of embarrassment if you said something which caused heads to turn, but some people are wired to enjoy attention. Such people are capable of doing things that most others are not, such as public speaking, street preaching, biblical confrontation, performance oriented tasks, etc. Just like all human characteristics, however, sin has the power to twist something such as an enjoyment of attention into something harmful to both ourselves and others.

If, like me, you tend toward the “shocker” speech, you might find yourself saying things that are inappropriate or not “fitting the occasion,” as Ephesians 4:29 puts it. Perhaps you tend toward crude joking, something which the Bible says should not be found amongst Christians (Ephesians 5:4-8). This sort of speech is often times a lack of humility and modesty—an impulsive action aimed at grabbing attention, but not taking into consideration whether the comment carries respect for the human body, for God’s design, for his view of sin, or the edification of those around you. Will your words cause others think about “whatever is true…honorable…just…pure” (Philippians 4:8)? If you tend toward patterns of immodest speech don’t be discouraged—there is a time and a place for playfulness and joking and wit; but spend some time with the Lord examining your heart to see if the way that you are exercising your power of wit is founded in biblical love for others and reverence and love for God.

Maybe you don’t struggle with getting people’s attention, but you are very desirous of other’s admiration, approval and good opinion. If this is the case you might be very quiet, but when you do speak you may try sound impressive, wise or smart. You may use sarcasm or irony to make yourself look better than other people. You may even gossip and slander in a way that shows how perceptive you are and how oblivious the people you are commenting on are. Slander is a some-what separate issue from modesty, yet the two can be related if the inappropriate speech about others becomes a tool you use to venerate yourself, compete with and exult yourself over others. You may even speak about yourself or your body in a way that makes other women feel uncomfortable, belittled or challenged to compete. But the Bible says that such "selfish rivalry" is demonic and contrary to the spirit of Christ. If you struggle in these areas, ask God to begin to show you when you are tempted this way; soon you'll see patterns and be able to change.

Remember, "anyone who does not stumble in what he or she says is a perfect person", a.k.a. no one can perfectly tame the tongue (James 3:2, 8), but with Christ's spirit of love in us we can learn to consider other before ourselves (Phillipians 2).

God calls us to speech that is gentle, kind, not arrogant or rude, not insisting on our own way, not irritable or resentful, not rejoicing at wrong-doing but rejoicing with the truth. That is, God calls us to speak lovingly to others (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). We are also called to purity of speech, and to edifying speech. For this reason, as women especially, let us “adorn” ourselves, as 1 Timothy and Titus say, with modest speech which does not seek to exult ourselves but to bless others.

“likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Tim 2:9

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

Let us be beautiful, but let us learn what true beauty is and adorn yourself with it in our speech as well as our actions.

~Jess